Mr. President

The Tribune’s John Kass, with the help of Jerry Reinsdorf, speculates about the implications of the president being a White Sox fan:

“Well, maybe he could issue a presidential edict to get us another pitcher who could go 200 innings,” Reinsdorf said. “That might be nice.”

As president, Obama could help our team in many ways. What about a presidential mandate giving the Sox all the best ballplayers from Cuba?

“That would help with diplomacy,” Reinsdorf said.

And what would the Cubs get?

“They could have all the ballplayers from France,” Reinsdorf said.

A French ballplayer? Like former Cub Juan Pierre?

Obama could also grant the Cubs and the Twins exclusive rights to all the top prospects from Belgium and the quaint principality of Luxembourg.

“See, there are a lot of possibilities when it comes to a President Obama,” Reinsdorf said. “And Ozzie can talk to [Venezuelan President] Hugo Chavez on the phone. But I don’t know if Ozzie would be a great diplomat.”

If I became president I have absolutely zero faith that I wouldn’t meddle in the affairs of my baseball team. I’d be at a press conference about some treaty, and just before the Premier of East Guavickistan or wherever was about to speak, I’d say something like “with today’s signing ceremony, we believe that a lasting peace will be brought to this critical part of the world. A peace that, nonetheless, will be forever imperiled unless Frank Wren can find a power bat for the outfield and, at the very least, platoon Jeff Francoeur.”

If you say stuff like that enough, people will begin to believe it.