Ode de Stairs: The exploits of a legend


A journeyman.
A wanderer in search of a home.
A bay offers solace, shade, and succor,
But it is a temporary respite.

Wandering to the heartland,
Around the heartland,
Six times.
Finding couches to sleep upon,
But never a bed.

Then back North where it began.
But not to stay,
Never to stay.

Then East to victory!
And West to defeat.
And back East to bitterest defeat.

Bat racked,
Spikes hung,
Sunset greets the departing hero.
Vanquished, yet undefeated.


Not his.
He can smell it,
Taste it,
See it oozing from the very pores of his nemesis.

Surrounding the fields of pitched battle,
Demons shrieked in gathered masses,
Jostling, cavorting, cajoling
Hoping futilely that their Champion would prevail.

The demons were of no consequence.
Cravens and cowards and invalids.
Unable to defeat him themselves.

He re-focused on his foeman.
Again tasting the fear,
Turning it over his tongue.
Savoring the silky musk of it.


He unsheathed his lumber.
His foe attacked.
A single crystallized moment hung,
waiting to shatter,
finally shattering.

The Wonder Hamster blasted his foe with his hammer.
Over wall,
Over stadium,
Over World.
Never landing,
Until the Moon.


Matt Stairs finished his career on a down note. But on the whole, he may have been the most interesting man of his generation.

He was a career .262/.356/.477 hitter. He blasted 265 home runs and somehow squeezed 30 stolen bases into his 20-year career. He played for 13 franchises, including one that no longer exists and one that didn’t exist when he entered the league. He helped the Phillies capture a World Series championship in 2008 by blasting a Jonathan Broxton offering into a stable orbit. He worked a critical walk against the same Broxton the following postseason.

Now the great beast rests. Rumor has it, he shall return again at the Earth’s hour of greatest need.

You can follow me on twitter @BaseballATeam
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Dave Studeman
12 years ago

Awesome, Brad.  I didn’t know you had it in you!

Brad Johnson
12 years ago

Thanks Dave, I was getting self conscious about the lack of comments!

Jim C
12 years ago

Excellent. It’s a shame he had such a bad year in DC to end. Maybe a contender will add him in September when the rosters expand. Your poetry is terrific.