In A Man’s World

When you become a father, your life changes and you re-prioritize the things that are important to you. Your sleep, your social life, your hobbies, they all become secondary to this tiny little blob that is given to you. I knew this would happen and I was okay with it. I grew up wanting to be a father because the one that was originally “gifted” to me wasn’t a very good one. So I grew up envisioning the time in which I would have a son and how amazing it would be to be his father. I never knew how much my life would change, almost six years ago, when the doctor announced to my wife and me, “It’s a girl!”

I was petrified. I still am.

I used to be the typical guy. I made sexist jokes. I minimized the plight of women in this country. I never thought about the disadvantages that women of all ages face. Then I had a daughter and I began to change. I wanted to give her all the advantages that I could. I’ve raised her to not fear the world, to believe that she can be anything and anyone she wants to be. I have taught her that girls can do anything that boys can. So, a few weeks ago, when my daughter asked me if she could play baseball with the San Francisco Giants one day, I lied.

I lied because I didn’t believe she could. Major league baseball is a sport for men, not women, and while she sat there continuing to watch the Giants play, my heart dropped. I thought to myself how sad it was going to be when she figured out that I had lied, when she figured out that girls don’t get to play professional baseball.

A few weeks later, news broke that our local independent baseball team, the Sonoma (Calif.) Stompers, had signed two women to play on their team. I had to go investigate. I contacted the Stompers’ general manager, Theo Fightmaster, and told him I would like to spend a couple of days covering the ladies’ debut. Then I packed my wife and daughter in the car to make the 20-minute journey to Sonoma.

The Stompers are a small, independent baseball team that has existed only since 2014. However, in spite of their limited history, they have made headlines multiple times. During the 2015 season, the Stompers allowed writers Ben Lindbergh and Sam Miller to run the baseball operations department of the team. Lindbergh and Miller would go on to write a New York Times bestselling book, The Only Rule Is It Has to Work, chronicling their experience with the Stompers. And the Stompers signed Sean Conroy to pitch. Conroy would become the first openly gay player in the history of professional baseball.

At first glance, when I walked into the Stompers’ ballpark, it appeared like any other small-town baseball venue. However, as the fans and press filled up the park, you could sense the excitement. I was more anxious than excited, as this was my first time covering an event like this. I had commandeered the assignment with a 1-2 punch of proximity and “calling dibs,” and I was determined to not appear like I didn’t belong. With no designated area for the press, I slyly climbed the ladder to the top of the dugout and placed myself between the cameramen for CBS and NBC before beginning to shoot pictures and video.

Once the pregame formalities concluded, all that was left was the first pitch. Stacy Piagno, Kelsie Whitmore, and the rest of the Sonoma Stompers were about to make history as the first co-ed professional baseball team since the 1950s. After receiving the sign from her catcher, Piagno went into her windup and threw… a strike! We now had women playing with men in professional baseball.

Piagno threw a near-perfect first inning. Her only mistake was hitting the second batter of the game. However, she labored through the rest of her outing — in part to some defensive miscues behind her — before being pulled in the third inning without to recording an out. Her final line for her debut was two innings pitched, four runs allowed (two earned), five hits allowed, two walks and no strikeouts.

Whitmore, who started the game in left field, drew a walk in her first plate appearance and struck out in her second before being replaced in the top of the sixth inning. The Stompers went on to lose the game, 8-4. On this night however, their numbers were secondary to the statement that they made.

During the final few innings of the game, Piagno, Whitmore and Fightmaster answered questions from the press. After the game was over, and the other media people had left, I watched and took pictures as both women signed autographs and took pictures with every man, woman and child who wanted one, including my daughter.

Wanting to get more than his one night snapshot, I arranged to return the next day and speak with Piagno and Whitmore.

When I returned, we spoke about why they continued to pursue baseball when society tends to push girls away from the sport, and toward softball, at a fairly young age. I wanted to know how I could help my daughter through this if she wanted to continue playing with baseball with the boys. They both partially attributed their success to support within their families and communities.

“You hit that path when you start getting older and society wants you to go to softball, and some girls will fight hard against that,” Piagno said. “I just got really lucky. I was able to play for my high school team. The coaches allowed me to try out and, just like anyone else, they decided if I was good enough or not good enough,” Piagno said. “I think it just kind of depends on who you have around you, where you are living, that kind of thing. For me, I just kind of lucked into it; I had someone who did let me try out.”

Added Whitmore, “My family was always supportive. They wanted me to go out and do those things. To go out and play with those guys and to do what I love and that’s what I love and they let me do that. Girls aren’t given the opportunities, so they don’t try and pursue it.”

My daughter has that kind of support. My wife and I have attempted to instill in her that the fact she is a girl does not preclude her from doing or being good at any particular activity. However, we make up only a percentage of the influences in our daughter’s life.

Kids are mean. The world is mean. As a parent I have tried to shield my daughter from the vicious nature of sexism that is inherent in our world, but my daughter has still been taught that boys can do things that girls can’t. She has come home from kindergarten and day care and said things like “girls can’t do that” or “that is a boy game.” It is something that is ingrained in children at a young age. Boys play sports, play with action figures, and have adventures. Girls play with dolls and  makeup, and have tea parties or play house. When these conventions are challenged, there is resistance, no matter how progressive we believe society has become.

Both Whitmore and Piagno acknowledged that there have been obstacles for them to succeed in baseball.

“I have had lots of controversy with playing baseball, being the only girl on the team,” said Whitmore. “Growing up, I was usually the only girl or the first girl to play there. People say things behind my back. Friends that I thought would never say things behind my back go behind and talk trash…. Yeah it does suck and it is hard to deal with sometimes, but I kind of just let it go and just deal with it and know it happens and it is going to happen and I expect it. I have gotten used to it. That is just how it is…but I am putting myself in a man’s world, so it is going to be expected.”

“You definitely expect it going into things,” added Piagno, “but for all of the controversy that we do have, and for all of the negative people, there is so many more people that are positive and so many that support. So, really, you just have to focus on the supportive things. People ask me ‘what have people been saying?’ and I say ‘I don’t know’ because I don’t pay attention. Focus on the positive things and the rest isn’t going to matter.”

We talked for a while longer. I asked them the typical sports journalist questions about how they felt their debuts went and how it has been with the guys on the team. Both women talked about how supportive their teammates had been — how they treated them like ballplayers by joking around with them and helping them with their game.

“They respect me and I respect them,” said Whitmore, who had been with the team for the previous 10  days. “They kind of treat me like I am a younger sister in a way, and they like to mess and joke with me, but at the end of the day, they are still helping me with my game on and off the field. I love having them around because they are really helpful and they actually care.”

Piagno, who had flown in from her home state of Florida at about 4 a.m. on the day of her debut, was still getting to know her new teammates, but her first impressions were good: “The guys seemed very supportive and I right away got a family vibe. Of course, there was joking and bantering back and forth, but that is good and I felt comfortable with that because growing up that is what I am used to. That made me feel more comfortable.”

Their teammates were impressed by them as well, according to first baseman Daniel Baptista. “At first, I didn’t know how to react, but when she [Whitmore] came, she was definitely a pro about it. It was all straight business, which made it easier for us as a team,” said Baptista. “Now she is just one of the guys.” Baptista had a look of sincerity in his eyes. He didn’t pretend that it wasn’t awkward at first, but once the initial shock wore off, the team accepted her as one of their own.

The time for the real question was upon us. I needed to know if what I had told my daughter was true or not. Could a woman play in the major leagues?

Whitmore thinks so. “I do see it potentially happening,” said said. “I believe it can happen. I think there is a major league coach out there. He just has to see them and see what they are like. It is going to take a lot. You have to work every day. I believe it is possible.”

I did too. My perspective had changed. Watching those women compete side-by-side with men made me believe that it was possible. That one day we would see a woman in the major leagues. However, it was Piagno’s response that made me think that there might be another option that I hadn’t considered.

“I definitely think there is a possibility and I think that it probably will happen in time,” she said. “I think that what would be amazing is if we can have our own women’s major league baseball. You’ve got the WNBA…. I think that that could be a stepping stone or not, but really we need our own league. I think what the problem is is that girls growing up are funneled into softball and you think that is the only thing that you can do. I think if they know that there is an outlet for us to play baseball then they would continue playing longer and therefore we would have more girls to choose from.”

It was a simple, yet innovative idea — create a professional baseball league for women. Show girls they have something to aspire to. Give girls like my daughter the opportunity to have role models in baseball who aren’t men. Give these women a platform to change the culture.

As we continued chatting about the game and the team, I couldn’t help but think two things. First, that these two young women (Whitmore is 17 and Piagno is 25) were incredibly mature. They handled their debuts and the circus created by all the press with grace and class. Secondly, Whitmore saying, “I am putting myself in a man’s world, so it is going to be expected.” That stuck with me for a while.

It stuck with me because one of my biggest fears is that my daughter would have to change because she lives in a “man’s world.” That she could be denied the same opportunities and freedoms I enjoyed growing up because she is a girl. I want her to grow up in a world where I don’t have to feel like I am lying when I tell her she can do whatever she wants or be whoever she wants to be. I want her to be like Whitmore and Piagno, who have put themselves in a man’s world, but are making it their own.

So, what do I tell my daughter when she wants to play baseball or do anything else?

“If you really want to do it, don’t give up on it,” said Whitmore. “That is always how I have seen it. I want it so bad that, why give up on something that I want? I would tell her to keep going with it and do what makes you happy. Go out there and do the best at the things that you love.”

I hope she does.