MLB Turned a Blind Eye to Bobby Cox’s Domestic Abuse

Editor’s note: This article contains descriptions of domestic violence.

Bobby Cox is known for a lot of things: managing the Atlanta Braves for what seems like an impossibly long time (in reality, it was 26 non-consecutive years), being inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame, holding the record for most managerial ejections (158).

What isn’t often talked about when we talk about Bobby Cox’s legacy is domestic violence, but perhaps it should be. Cox is just one in a line of men Major League Baseball chooses to celebrate for their on-field accomplishments while overlooking or forgetting about their off-field violence against women. The reference to his domestic violence incident with his wife is even conspicuously absent from his Wikipedia page.

In 2016, MLB has taken domestic violence more seriously than it has before. The season saw the suspensions of Aroldis Chapman, Jose Reyes, and Braves player Hector Olivera for partner violence under its new policy, enacted before the season began.

Tony Clark, executive director of the Major League Baseball Players Association, said in a statement: “Players are husbands, fathers, sons and boyfriends. And as such want to set an example that makes clear that there is no place for domestic abuse in our society. We are hopeful that this new comprehensive, collectively-bargained policy will deter future violence, promote victim safety, and serve as a step toward a better understanding of the causes and consequences of domestic violence, sexual assault, and child abuse.”

The policy allows players to be suspended if they are arrested for domestic violence (after the incident is investigated by the league), even if the case is never prosecuted and the player is not convicted of the offense. This is significant, because many victims of domestic violence will choose to drop charges or refuse to testify against their abuser, meaning many perpetrators never face convictions or consequences for the abuse. Per the policy:

Investigations:
The Commissioner’s Office will investigate all allegations of domestic violence, sexual assault and child abuse involving members of the baseball community. The Commissioner may place an accused player on paid administrative leave for up to seven days while allegations are investigated…

Discipline:
The Commissioner will decide on appropriate discipline, with no minimum or maximum penalty under the policy.
Players are able to challenge any decisions to the arbitration panel.

But before Chapman and before Reyes, there was Bobby Cox. In 1995, Cox was arrested on simple assault charges against his wife, Pamela. According to police reports, Pamela Cox called police to their home after, she said, Cox punched her in the face and pulled her hair during an argument. She also said that Cox called her a “bitch.” The police report noted that Pamela Cox’s face was red at the scene. Cox was released from jail later that night on $1,000 bond.

What happened after the incident, during damage control on the part of Cox and the Braves, epitomizes so many misconceptions about domestic violence and the way victims of it behave. Later that week, Bobby and Pamela Cox sat side-by-side during a press conference (much like NFL player Ray Rice and his wife, Janay, did after the video of him assaulting her was made public), and told the media that it had all been a big misunderstanding. Both parties denied that there had been any physical violence whatsoever, and attributed Pamela’s red face to the fact that she had been crying. Cox painted the incident as a simple argument that had gotten a little too heated, and his wife supported his account.

If my 10 years as a domestic violence counselor taught me anything, it’s how to identify abusive behavior, even when it’s subtle. I trained in how to spot signs of abuse. I spent hours hearing story after story from the women I worked with, whether I was their therapist, a staff member at the emergency shelter they had fled to, or the voice on the other end of the hotline they were calling to seek help and guidance. All these were roles I held over the course of my career as a social worker.

Despite his best efforts, Bobby Cox’s statements told a different story than the one he was trying to sell to the public. “There was no hitting of any sort. I grabbed her forehead and her hair a little bit just to keep her a distance away from me and we were both going at it pretty good,” Cox said. He also gave this version to the police, as the report said that he admitted to pulling her hair and calling her a name. What Cox fails to realize is that grabbing someone’s forehead and hair is an act of violence, and calling the person a name is verbal abuse. In his attempt to defend himself from accusations of abuse, he actually admits to being abusive.

What’s more, he also tries to shift the blame onto Pamela, indicating that they were both the aggressors in the situation. According to the police report, he claimed “that she also has been violent in the past, and that he hit her in reflex to her assault on him.” This is a classic tactic used by abusers; in fact, when victims are aggressive it’s usually an attempt to protect themselves from the abuse being perpetrated against them.

The police report further indicated that “(Pamela Cox) stated that this has occurred many times before, but (she) never called the police because of possible media attention” and the effect on their children. Again, this is textbook domestic violence. The incidents are not isolated; they are part of an ever-escalating pattern of abuse and have often been going on for quite some time before the police ever become involved.

Also concerning is the fact that the police report mentions that their then 13-year-old daughter was home and witnessed the assault. An abuser is often comfortable enough with his behavior to be doing it openly in front of the kids, and it is another way to exert control over family members, cultivating a culture of fear in the house.

According to Lundy Bancroft’s book When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal The Wounds of Witnessing Abuse:

Researchers tell us that three-quarters of children living with violent men are physically present for at least one assault. Some mothers report that weeks or months after a scary abusive event, their children suddenly mention details of what happened that the mother had idea the child had witnessed. They watch through doorways or cracks, they stand at the top of staircases, they hid behind furniture. Sometimes they are right out in the open.

We, of course, have no way of knowing how many times their daughter witnessed the abuse, but if it was indeed ongoing, research tells us that she not only saw it, but was affected by it in both large and small ways.

Pamela Cox indicated that she had not wanted Bobby to be arrested, that she had no intention of pressing charges. Janay Rice also dropped the charges against Ray, as did Chapman’s and Reyes’ partners. It’s incredibly common for victims to decide not to press charges against their abusers (or refuse to testify, if the state decides to pursue the case), and it absolutely does not indicate that the abuse did not happen. A study in the journal “Social Science & Medicine” found that “emotional appeals from their abusers who minimize their own wrongdoing, rather than threats, often lead victims of domestic violence to drop charges.”

ThinkProgress reports:

There are various reasons victims choose not to do testify in domestic violence cases, including the fact that reliving the experience can be embarrassing and even re-traumatizing. One of the biggest reasons they avoid court, though, is the fear of retribution from their accusers, that testifying will only further jeopardize their safety… and then there is the aspect of how they are often treated by law enforcement officials who ask the wrong questions or don’t always take the claims seriously. That can be especially true in cases involving celebrities or famous athletes who invite more media attention to a case.

One look at the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence’s Power and Control Wheel shows almost all the behaviors identified in the police report or the press conference. They include: saying the abuse didn’t happen, shifting the responsibility for the abuse by saying she caused it, calling her names, and making her drop charges, as well as the physical violence that he demonstrated. Bobby Cox’s incident checks all these boxes.

If we are to believe that the incident happened as indicated in the police report (and I do), why don’t most people even remember that Bobby Cox was accused of domestic violence (though it doesn’t surprise me that the man who holds the record for ejections has a temper at home, too)?

It’s probably because despite Cox’s arrest, he faced no consequences from the Braves. He went on the manage the rest of their season and the club’s general manager at the time, John Schuerholz, told the media that he did not see any need for Cox to take any time off. The club chose to make it a non-issue, MLB chose to make it a non-issue, and his wife did what she could to make it a non-issue. Everyone involved likely hoped that downplaying the incident would make it go away, which it essentially did. Bobby and Pamela are still married, which isn’t surprising. A Time magazine article showed that there are plenty of reasons that people stay in abusive relationships, chief among them that they may be financially tied to their abuser and feel stuck; they may fear losing custody of their children; they really do love their abuser. And then there’s this:

It can be dangerous to leave an abuser because the final step in the domestic violence pattern is to kill the victim. Over 70% of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has left the relationship.

This strategy of trying to make domestic violence allegations disappear was not unique to Cox. It was the go-to strategy for Major League Baseball until this year. We saw it happen with Kirby Puckett, Josh Lueke, Brett Myers and Pedro Astacio, among others. Myers and Astacio are notable for the fact that both started in the first game following their incidents (Myers’ was the very next day and Astacio’s was Opening Day of the following season).

And while 2016’s domestic violence policy and player suspensions are a wonderful step, it’s worth noting that both Chapman and Reyes played or are playing for their respective teams in the playoffs this year — something they would not have been allowed to do if they had been found guilty of using performance enhancing drugs like Marlins infielder Dee Gordon was. It seems to me that baseball still finds taking drugs to help you be better at your job to be a more serious offense than landing a woman in the hospital. For his part, Bobby Cox had his number retired by the Braves and was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 2014.

If baseball is really ready to take domestic violence seriously, as it says it is, we need to ask ourselves why players and managers are able to get by unscathed. Should a “mistake” (as so many players like to refer to domestic violence incidents as) tarnish an athlete’s entire reputation? Should he be ineligible for things like starting playoff games or Hall of Fame induction? For survivors of domestic violence like me, the answer is clear. I’m triggered and sad every time I see a player’s face on the TV screen, knowing the kind of violence he is accused of. Not only that, just because someone is arrested only one time for domestic violence does not mean it was a one-time thing. In fact, the biggest predictor of future violence is past violence. It’s likely that it’s happened before, and it will happen again.

Bobby Cox may have been a great baseball manager. But he is also very likely an abuser. When we talk about the former, we need to remember to give equal weight to the latter.

References & Resources

• John Beamer, The Hardball Times, “Cox breaks ejection record”
• Jason Linden, The Hardball Times, “Baseball Cannot Tolerate Violence Against Women”
• Fox Sports South, “Hector Olivera suspended 82 games for violating MLB’s domestic violence policy”
• Paul Hagen, MLB.com, “MLB, MLBPA reveal domestic violence policy”
• Associated Press, San Francisco Gate, “Braves Manager Jailed — He and Wife Deny Assault”
• Lundy Bancroft, When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse, 2004
• Travis Waldron, ThinkProgress, “Why Victims Of Domestic Violence Don’t Testify, Particularly Against NFL Players”
• Jim Leckrone and Mary Wisniewski, Reuters, “Study shows why domestic violence victims drop charges”
• National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence, “Power and Control Wheel”
• Eliana Dockterman, Time, “Why Women Stay: The Paradox of Abusive Relationships”
• Mike Bates, SB Nation, “MLB’s record on domestic violence worse than NFL’s”